In my life right now downtime can be pretty hard to come by, so anytime I have a few hours to kill I try to take full advantage of it, and by taking full advantage I usually mean watching Netflix.  I know, I’m hopeless.  The unfortunate thing about using all your free time to socialize and veg-out (aka be lazy) is that the things that need to be put away don’t get put away and the things that need to be cleaned don’t get cleaned.

This folks is my reality.

This last weekend however a miracle occurred.  I had one of those rare time slots where I was both free of obligation and I had the motivation to get things done.  Hooray!  I mean good gracious, the kitchen was starting to look like a warzone.  I don’t live alone, but I mean someone has to clean eventually.  So I popped in my headphones, set my phone to the Rend Collective (my all-time favorites!) Pandora channel and set to work.

So there I was, hard at work, hand washing my dishes when a song comes on that I’d never heard before.  It was one of those songs that immediately appeals to your taste in every rhythmic way.  Usually I just listen to beats and melodies of music while I let my mind get lost in thought, but this song caught me, so I began to listen to the words…

Hit rewind
Click delete
Stand face to face with the younger me
All of the mistakes
All of the heartbreaks
Here’s what I’d do differently

I’d Love like I’m not scared
Give when it’s not fair
Live life for another
Take time for a brother
Fight for the weak ones
Speak out for freedom
Find faith in the battle
Stand tall but above it all
Fix my eyes on You
On You….

(find the song here)

That chorus, oh so good, really got to me, and one word began to flash in my mind like a neon sign high above the Vegas Strip,

SELFISHNESS

Looking out for the so-called #1, putting yourself first, always.  It’s so easy to do.  So easy to get trapped by the idea that in your life you’re the most important person in the world.  The feelings of self preservation and making sure that you make the most effort to make yourself come out as close to the top as possible.

But it’s ridiculous.

My most precious memories & experiences, the ones that mean the most and I hold to the tightest aren’t about me.  So why would I think I could have the best life possible by doing the opposite?

So as I stood there, scrubbing away I was convicted.  I’m 29 years old.  God willing I have many years of life left to live and I don’t want to have regrets.  This is the time where I need to love others even when it’s hard, give of myself even when everything wants to turn the other way, take time for strangers and make time for friends…

But out of every way that I could be selfish I’ve been most selfish with my time when it comes to God, and that I am ashamed of.  He’s the real #1.  The one who loves despite our failures, and calls through every ounce of creation for us to love him in return, yet unfortunately we oftentimes show greater love to our pet or our TV than we do to God.

We worship what we focus on.  If you watch 20 hours of TV a week but spend 5 minutes praying, where do your priorities lie?

That’s why I’m choosing today to fix my eyes on the only one who deserves my worship and part of that will be committing to be in the word daily, something I’ve been abysmal at these last few months.

Back in May I discovered a website, or, the more fitting word for it would be a community called SheReadsTruth.  They put together online, free, daily Bible Studies for woman covering books of the Bible or topics ranging from Justice to Hospitality.  These aren’t your “Daily Bread” devotionals many of us grew up with.  They’re so rich and so good.

On Monday they began a short study using Hymns, and next week they start a study focusing on Thanksgiving.  I’m making a commitment today to make God a priority in my life going forward, not just a convenience, and I challenge you to do the same.  If you’re currently looking for a great Bible study I would definitely encourage you to check out SheReadsTruth.  They even have Apple and Android apps if that’s your thing.

Remember, Selfishness is overrated, SELFLESSNESS on the other hand changes lives.

 Be giving.  Love freely, and FIX YOUR EYES on the one who really matters.